Control What is Within Your Control
2025 and the Dichotomy of Control
No sooner did I recover from the cruise ship-theme park-Bob Weir concert induced plague that I contracted over the holidays than my ten year old contracted her own nasty little stomach bug.
As I’ve mentioned on the podcast from time to time, my youngest is on the spectrum. She is also non-verbal. So, when she gets sick (which thankfully is a rarity), it becomes a very hands on experience for yours truly.
As the need to rapidly marshal her to the bathroom and regularly refuel her with electrolytes does not leave much time for recording, editing and mixing - and given that she’ll likely be home from school again tomorrow (and possibly the remainder of the week) while this sucker runs its course - I will be pushing the podcast return date out another week.
Though the circumstances are less than ideal, I am taking this opportunity to practice the foundational concept of stoicism that drew me to this philosophy as a young Special Agent: The Dichotomy of Control.
What is the Dichotomy of Control? Well, Epictetus put it this way:
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I control.”
Said more simply: You don’t control the externals that life throws you, only your reaction to them.
Think for a moment of how much you worry about every day that is beyond your ability to control? Your kid is home sick from school. You’re running late because a fender bender caused traffic to back up. Your flight is delayed by a storm. The selecting official for the promotion you applied for chose to elevate the office lickspittle over you.
Your complaining won’t make the kid better. No amount of honking will clear the traffic. No amount of cursing at the customer service representative will hasten the storm’s passing. And no amount of ruminating on the fairness of the selection process will undo the outcome.
So, what do you gain by polluting your thoughts with that which you cannot control? When we try to control the uncontrollable we end up feeling powerless, frustrated and anxious. And that’s what stoicism is teaching us to overcome.
Life is defined by chaos. Some times feel more chaotic than others. Take the late-hellenistic period when the school of stoicism was founded, for instance.
Following the death of Alexander the Great, the western world was in decline. Zeno’s teachings offered a sense of individual control to his students which gained considerable popularity amidst the disorder. So too when Marcus Aurelius was writing his Meditations some 400 years later.
Stoicism worked as an antidote to chaos for them (and works for us) because it is not theoretical, but practical. It is about not just understanding our philosophy, but actually practicing it.
So, today, amidst the chaos of illness and the backdrop of yet another episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I am controlling that which is mine to control and accepting my job with good cheer. Though not the path I would have chosen to start out the new year, it’s the one I am on, and as Epictetus also said, “The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.”
See you next week! Out of Role!